Going to church has done little to improve my sex life. I was raised in the church and still attend weekly, but have heard very few sermons about sex. The church is quick to speak out against certain forms of sexual sin but slow to put forth a godly and biblical alternative to sex. We refer to sex as a gift from God to married couples, but offer little counsel as to how a husband and wife can unwrap this gift and enjoy it to the fullest.
But sex is a normal and healthy part of human life. Before you are married, you look forward to having sex and wonder what will be like. When you are married, you think about and (hopefully) have sex often. So this part of our life is not to be excluded from our relationship with God. He wants us to have sex and enjoy it! Here are a few ways you can improve your sex life:
Repent of Sexual Sin
God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife. This is the only form of sex the Bible permits; all other forms are sinful. It’s no secret that premarital sex, pornography, masturbation, and adultery are as prevalent in the church as in the world. Your sexual sin may seem private or harmless, but it hurts your relationship with God (not to mention your spouse!). If you want Him to bless your sex life, the first thing you must do is repent of sexual sin.
Have Better Sex with Your Spouse
God wants you to have sex with your spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3). Not only that, God wants you to enjoy having sex with your spouse (Proverbs 5:19). An entire book of the Bible describes the anticipation and excitement of sex (Song of Songs/Solomon). God wants you to have a great sex life! Here are a few ways you can have better sex with your spouse:
- Build your friendship. Improve your communication, spend time together, and have fun together. Intimacy is based on trust, and trust is gained through friendship.
- Show affection. Say “I love you” to each other. Give compliments and say what you like about each other. Be physical with each other in non-sexual ways.
- Take care of yourself. Make yourself as attractive as possible. Practice good hygiene, exercise regularly, and watch how much you eat. Put some effort into your appearance.
- Make sex loving. Make sex more loving by including something you like. Give each other backrubs, share a snack, or have a glass of wine. Take time to relax and talk before having sex.
- Keep learning. Find resources that help you have sex in new ways. There are several Christian books that talk about sex honestly and appropriately (i.e. Sheet Music, Intended for Pleasure, Real Marriage, The Act of Marriage).
- Be honest. Tell each other what you like and want. The Bible gives full permission for a husband and wife to do whatever they want as long as it only involves each other.
Protect Yourself from Adultery
Adultery is common today, both physical adultery (having sex or being sexual with someone who isn’t your spouse) and emotional adultery (loving someone who isn’t your spouse). It usually begins as a friendship that gradually develops into an affair. It’s so important to protect your marriage from adultery! Here are a few lines of defense:
- Have sex often. Have sex with your spouse as often as you can. No matter how busy or tired you are, try to have sex at least twice a week.
- Avoid temptation. Avoid people, places, and possessions that tempt you to sin sexually. Remember that you can’t be too careful when it comes to your marriage.
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