Churches don’t do much to help couples improve their sex life. Preachers are quick to denounce certain forms of sexual sin but slow to put forth a godly, biblical perspective on sex. They refer to sex as a gift from God but offer little counsel as to how husbands and wives can unwrap it and enjoy it to the fullest.
But sex is a normal and healthy part of human life. Before getting married, you look forward to it – eagerly! Once you’re married, you think, joke about and (hopefully) have it often. We shouldn’t be ashamed of this part of our lives or act like it doesn’t exist. God wants us to have sex and enjoy it!
Here are a few ways you can improve your sex life:
Repent of Sexual Sin
God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife. This is the only form of sex the Bible permits; all other forms are sinful. It’s no secret that premarital sex, pornography and adultery are as prevalent in the church as in the world.
Your sexual sin may seem private or harmless, but it hurts your relationships with God and your spouse. If you want Him to bless your sex life, you must first repent of sexual sin.
Have Better Sex
God wants you to have sex with your spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3). Not only that, God wants you to enjoy having sex with your spouse (Proverbs 5:19). An entire book of the Bible describes the anticipation and excitement of sex (Song of Songs/Solomon). God wants you to have a great sex life!
Here are a few ways you can have better sex with your spouse:
- Build your friendship. Improve your communication, spend time together and have fun together. Intimacy is based on trust, and trust is gained through friendship.
- Show affection. Say, “I love you.” Give compliments and say what you like about each other. Be physical with each other in non-sexual ways.
- Take care of yourself. Make yourself as attractive as possible. Practice good hygiene, exercise regularly and watch how you eat. Put some effort into your appearance.
- Make sex loving. Make sex loving by including something you like. Give each other backrubs, share a snack or split a bottle of wine. Take time to relax and talk beforehand.
- Keep learning. Find resources that help you have sex in new ways. There are several Christian books that talk about sex honestly and biblically (e.g. Sheet Music, Intended for Pleasure).
- Be honest. Tell each other what you like and want. The Bible gives full permission for a husband and wife to do anything as long as it only involves each other.
Protect Your Marriage
Adultery is common today, both physical (having sex or being sexual with someone who isn’t your spouse) and emotional (loving someone who isn’t your spouse). Affairs usually develop from friendships that seem harmless. It’s so important to protect your marriage from adultery! Here are a few lines of defense:
- Have sex often. Have sex with your spouse as often as you can. No matter how busy or tired you are, try to do it at least twice a week.
- Avoid temptation. Avoid people, places and possessions that tempt you to sin sexually. Remember that you can’t be too careful when it comes to your marriage.
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